Memo interno escrito por el gerente general de una compañía multinacional de capitales norteamericanos, en reacción a la cultura existente dentro de su filial en Colombia

From:General Manager
To: All spanish speaking staff 
Subject: Improper Language Usage.

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our establishment in Bogotá, that offensive language is commonly used by our spanish speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and staff. All personnel will immediately adhere to the following rules:

1. Words like carajo, la puta madre, or coma mierda, and other such expressions, will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.

2. You will not say "la cagó" when someone makes a mistake, or "la está cagando" if you see somebody being reprimanded, or "qué cagada" when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb cagar are utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our environment.

3. No project manager, section head or administrator under any circumstances will be referred to somebody like: hijo de puta, guevon, mal parido, or marica tan bobo !.

4. Lack of determination will not be referred to "falta de puteria" nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to "mariconsito de mierda".

5. Unusual or creative ideas offered by the management are not to be referred to "pajas mentales" or "guevonadas".

6. Do not say "que malparido tan jodon" if a person is persistent, or "se metio en la hijueputa" if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say "la estamos cagando" (refer to item #2) when a matter become excessively complicated.

7. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "vete al carajo" or "vete pa´la mierda" nor should you ever substitute May I help you? with "Qué quiere marica?"

8. Under no circumstances should you ever call our elderly industrial partners "viejos guevones !!" or "cuchitos de mierda !".

9. Last but no means least, after reading this note please don't say "me limpio el culo con ella". Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.

Thank you.

General Manager

La profesora puso de tarea averiguar cómo se detiene la diarrea.

Al día siguiente le preguntó a Carlitos la tarea y el niño respondió: la diarrea se detiene tomando suero.

Le preguntó a Pedrito y él respondio: la diarrea se detiene tomando jugo de guayaba

Por último le preguntó a Juanito: Juanito con qué se detiene la diarrea?

Juanito respondió: comiendo ostras, profesora.

Cómo así que comiendo ostras Juanito?

Porque mi mamá siempre le dice a mi papá que coma ostras para ver si se le para esa mierda.